For your birthday, your aunt gave you a maple syrup dispenser shaped like a rooster. Please write her a thank-you note:
Dear Auntie,
Thank you so much for the automatic syrup dispenser. The fact that it is shaped like a rooster, and that my one and only phobia is of fowl livestock is uncanny, you hit it right on the button! Especially since that the syrup dispenses from the roosters mouth, dripping like thick festering blood, that sweet tangy smell, the way it dries and collects in the nostrils and on the end of that sharp, pointy, yellow beak. It gives every morning of mine with waffles a new, frightening meaning. Often I find it hiding behind the cupboard door, or peering out at me from behind the mayonnaise and milk jug (the one that you gave me, thats shaped like a rabid dog), and sometimes I'll walk in, and it's already there waiting for me, staring at me with those beady little murderous eyes from my kitchen table, ready to regurgitate the syrupy blood all over my morning snack.
Thank you so much auntie, your present gives new depths of paranoia to my life, what would I do without you?
With love,
Heather
- They wouldn't let me post it, they said it was too long... bastardos.
Dear Auntie,
Thank you so much for the automatic syrup dispenser. The fact that it is shaped like a rooster, and that my one and only phobia is of fowl livestock is uncanny, you hit it right on the button! Especially since that the syrup dispenses from the roosters mouth, dripping like thick festering blood, that sweet tangy smell, the way it dries and collects in the nostrils and on the end of that sharp, pointy, yellow beak. It gives every morning of mine with waffles a new, frightening meaning. Often I find it hiding behind the cupboard door, or peering out at me from behind the mayonnaise and milk jug (the one that you gave me, thats shaped like a rabid dog), and sometimes I'll walk in, and it's already there waiting for me, staring at me with those beady little murderous eyes from my kitchen table, ready to regurgitate the syrupy blood all over my morning snack.
Thank you so much auntie, your present gives new depths of paranoia to my life, what would I do without you?
With love,
Heather
- They wouldn't let me post it, they said it was too long... bastardos.
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